3 Ways to Get Past Negative Comments (Plus, Why it Still Bothers Me to be Mistaken for a Grandma!)

“Wisdom is with aged men,
With long life is understanding.” 
Job 12:12

Good Morning, Grandma!

I was running late…AGAIN.  I’m sure I was looking a little frazzled.  I had my youngest on my hip.  I had the other two holding hands by my side as I walked in the door of the church.

“Is it grandma’s day with the kids?” a voice asks.

“Surely, she’s not talking to me?”  I thought to myself.  

For the first time this week, I had on a cute outfit.  I had make up on.  My hair was fixed.  I was wearing jewelry.  There was no way I could be mistaken for a grandma again…not today at least! 

As I looked over to see if she was indeed talking to me, she was staring right at me. 

Noooooo!  Not AGAIN????  I screamed inside myself!

I’m sure the look on my face made her quickly realize her error.  So she corrected herself, “Oh, those are your kids?”

“Yes.  Yes they are.” I said and quickly moved forward.

And I huffed back to take MY KIDS in the childcare room…ticked off! 

OK, Take a Deep Breath, Grandma

And then I reminded myself again that mathematically, I could be a grandma…friends my age are grandmas so I shouldn’t be so offended.  I am an older mom and that is just a fact.  I also realized that I must need to get more sleep or something too!

Because this is no isolated incident.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked if I was the grandmother of my own children.  The worst one, though, was when I was asked if I was the mother of one of my friends!  And she is only a year and a half younger than me for cryin’ out loud! 

It’s very discouraging to realize that I think I’m ok with getting older and then someone says something to me about being a grandma and I let it upset me.  Any time these comments are made to me, I find myself replaying them in my mind all day long.  Even as I’m writing this, I’m feeling myself getting a little huffy.

What’s my problem?  Why does it bother me when people keep mistaking me for a grandma?  Grandmas are awesome!  I sure hope to be a grandma someday, but it’s just the fact that people see me and their first impression is…old.  And so, I must confess my frustrations about this whole aging thing to God, once again, because that’s really what this is all about. 

Why oh why does my face have to get so wrinkly?  When oh when did my hair get so gray?  How oh how did my body shape change so drastically? (Oh that must be due to all the Halloween candy and brownies I allow myself to eat without exercising because I forget that I don’t have the same metabolism as I used to).

I must continue to remind myself about the good that comes with getting older, and even though I don’t love the aging process of the body…I do love the aging process of the soul!  I really do!

Tweet: I don't love the aging process of the body, but I do love the aging process of the soul. -The Real Mom @realmomjoy

My old-fart soul is wiser and has a better understanding about life, priorities, and the vastness of God’s unconditional love.  I have more of an acceptance of who I am and how God created me to be.  

What’s Your Advice Granny?

Even if you can’t relate to being called a grandma when you’re not (and you’re so lucky–what’s your skin care routine by the way?), I’m sure you can relate to someone making a comment to you that hurts. And let’s be real here…negative comments hurt…even if they ‘re not meant to be negative comments.  Well, let me share some granny wisdom with you.  Don’t let negative comments fester…make you doubt yourself…make you feel down or less or unworthy or old!  Instead…

Here are 3 ways to get past comments that hurt…

1.  You can pray.  Ask God why this comment is messing with your mind and ask Him to see the blessing in it if there is one.  Does He want to use this comment to help you grow in any way? If so, listen.  God can absolutely use comments to highlight an area in our lives that He wants to prune or weed out, so we can grow stronger in Him.  If not, then ask Him to take the comment away–out of your head and out of your heart–and replace it with His truth!

2.  You can choose your attitude.  You choose to be bitter or be better.  It’s your choice.  You can choose to live in the “betterness” that comments can bring into your life through growth or through the maturity to ignore them.  You can choose to let it ruin your day (like I have done–it’s no fun) or just be grateful for each day.  Move forward.  Look ahead.  Count your every blessing.  Shake it off.  Breathe.

3.  You can laugh.  If God has no purpose for that comment in your life, than laugh it off!  “Water on a duck…water on a duck…water on a duck!”  Repeat that over and over and visualize the comment rolling off your back.  That image always makes me laugh–never mind the fact that I also visualize that the comment splashes on top of the person’s head.

For me, I can cry at the fact that so many people think I need to be wearing Depends or I can depend on the good Lord to uplift and encourage me.  I can pray that He continues to fill me with His wisdom and understanding that only comes with age and life experiences.  I can choose my attitude when people ask if I’m a grandma.  I can be grateful that I must look wise and just go about my day.  When I feel down, I can rely on the good Lord to whisper into my ears His precious words of affirmation knowing that He has a purpose for this old geezer in this world.   

And I can laugh.  Oh how I hope I can laugh the next time someone calls me a grandma. 

I hope I can just grab my bifocals and God will  allow me to see it all in perspective in the grand scheme of life.  

And I hope that the next time someone throws a negative comment your way, you’ll know what to do too!

Let’s Pray

Lord, show us the blessing in the messy comments we get from others.  Allow us to put them through your Holy Spirit filter and grant us wisdom to know what to do with them.  Help us to embrace our aging bodies and be joyful of our aging souls.  Allow us to live our lives with confidence in You no matter what anyone says about us.  You love us unconditionally.  Help us to love ourselves unconditionally too.  In Jesus’ name.  Amen.

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11 thoughts on “3 Ways to Get Past Negative Comments (Plus, Why it Still Bothers Me to be Mistaken for a Grandma!)

  1. God bless you and your sense of humor and your willingness to be so authentic. You are beautiful — inside AND out. I was my husband’s second wife and quite a lot younger so when we had children together he got the grandpa thing. I think it was different – men don’t seem to be as bothered by those things as we are. I love your three ways to get past negative comments. I get them, too, (don’t we all?) but for different reasons. My coping strategies need to be the same.

    THANK YOU!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re so right. We all get negative comments at times and it’s always wonderful to have strategies in place to get past them in a loving and Godly way! And you’re right–for some men the whole aging thing doesn’t even phase them, but for me, it’s a struggle even still! Blessings to you!

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  2. Okay, first of all, Christine: if YOU look like a grandmother (and yes, no disrespect to the lovely people who are, in my opinion, one of God’s best inventions EVER), I may as well dry up and blow away. People, please! Second: I love your plan for dealing with hurtful comments. I really take these kinds of comments into my mind and soul and hang onto them for, oh, FOREVER, so I appreciate your helpful and practical steps to the contrary. Which I will try to remember and put into action the next time I am offended. Later today, I should think. 😉 Thank you so much, beautiful mama!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re so awesome Elizabeth. You’re sure know how to make a granny feel good! 🙂 I’m not sure what it is, but I must seriously look like a wise old woman or something because I get it ALL the time! I’m so glad that the practical steps for handling negative comments were helpful as I know how easily offended we all can get sometimes even when it’s not necessary! Blessings to you!

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    1. Oh I’m not always that gracious. There was one lady who said it to me and I was so offended because it was like the 8th time that month! She felt horrible! I hope to run into her again just so I can apologize! So no, I don’t always take it well and the list of what to do when you hear negative comments was really just God’s reminder to me! Blessings to you!

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  3. My mom is 45 and gets asked all the time if my youngest sister is her granddaughter (my baby sister is 9, and tiny for her age). My Mom thinks it’s utterly hilarious. I get mistaken for my baby sister’s mother (ever since she was born, I was 15, and was always being asked if the infant I carried around was my baby). We see it as part of the fun of having a family with siblings ranging up to 15 years apart, and we love to surprise people with the truth! 🙂

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    1. That’s funny. I’m so glad that you all can just laugh it off! I have to work on being less offended and just letting it roll of my back more often! Blessings to you!

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    1. Thanks Tara! You’ve gotta have a sense of humor about these things or they can really eat at you which is where I can fail sometimes. I am so sensitive that I take comments to heart. I must just photograph well or something because in person, I must look ancient! 🙂 Blessings to you!

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  4. Oh, Christine! One of my students asked me how old I was and I told him I was half way to 98. It took him a very long time to figure out the math. My husband asked him, “How old do you think Mrs. Ojeda is?” The student answered, “About as old as Mrs. Strawn.” Mrs. Strawn just happens to be my MOTHER! Her hair is white and she and I don’t look at all the same age (in my humble opinion). I choose to laugh.

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